BARONY-MARCHE OF DEBATABLE LANDS, ÆTHELMEARC – With Pennsic 50 right around the corner, and the expectation of news reports and at least one documentary, Pennsic Mayor James the Smith has published new rules for all Pennsic encampments.

“This year we need to start making Pennsic more photogenic, and less like a hippie commune. I already have two news stations, an online blog, two tiny house influencers, and a documentarian scheduled to do stories at Pennsic 50. I’m tired of it looking like this.” When asked what “this” meant, he replied, “Modern tents everywhere, cars left in camp, empty cans of SpaghettiOs on tables, people wearing sneakers and sunglasses, it just looks bad. So all camps will be asked to sign an HOA-type agreement to keep their camps camera-ready. If we could have a campground full of Haus Grossestrasse-type encampments, we wouldn’t have to enact these rules.” Haus Grossestrasse is widely considered to be the most exclusive and posh camp at Pennsic.

With 50 rules on the agreement, called “Campground Restrictions, Agreements, and Precautions,” land agents are expected to maintain a neat camp with fines established for violations. Some of the highlights of the new agreements:

• All fabric fencing panels must be made from the same fabric, and match in height and width
• All paint must be of the same type, finish, and brand.
• Camps must have a color scheme with no more than two dominant colors.
• Garbage bags must not be left on the road in front of the camp, even if it’s just being left there for ‘a few minutes’.
• No one may leave their camp in modern footwear, hats, pants, or other clothing. Even SCA-themed t-shirts.
• Gates must either be fearsome or whimsical. Lackluster gates will not be allowed.
• Cars are only allowed to be in camp for 10 minutes after unloading. No cars are allowed to park on the road without a covering.
• No one can buy a drum and play it on the same day without taking at least 2 lessons.
• Camps may not have substandard showers. All shower units will be inspected to maintain building standards. Towels must not be shared by more than two members of the camp.
• If campers wear kilts without undergarments they must pass a sitting etiquette class before wearing them outside their own encampment.
• All camps must have a recycling plan and leave no more than 100 pounds of garbage at the end of Pennsic.

When asked for a comment, the land agent from Haus Grossestrasse said “I don’t see what the problem is. These rules make perfect sense.” No word yet has been received from the Board regarding Haus Grossestrasse’s name or encampment being outside of Community Standards.