Barkley Gaines – political correspondent

Sydney resident and newly-elected member for Fong Lim has set his sights on being a one term representative with a stunning claim there is no crime in his electorate. From his comfortable apartment on Sydney Harbour Mr Collins has dismissed the idea Fong Lim residents and business owners have suffered any property theft or physical assault over the past decade.  Rather, Mr Collins claims, it is the residents and business owners who are at fault and he is currently mulling whether to lodge a complaint about their attitudes with the Human Rights Commission.

During his waffling maiden speech of just over 27 minutes, Mr Collins spent a comfortable 25 minutes discussing his life in Sydney, as well as that of his family and friends.  Darwin itself received scant mention, apart from the occasional lefty touchstones of why mandatory sentencing is bad, drugs are a health issue, and shouldn’t the state endorse the legal union of ladies and gentlemen who prefer those of the same gender.  While Mr Collins is both urbane and very well-connected, the latter which he demonstrates again, and again and again – he appears to have confused his own ignorance of the criminal and judicial issues faced by the NT with the light conversational banter he might expect to enjoy at a dinner party of southern lawyers, all desperate to agree with each other.

So a little counsel.  While many of your friends might live in Balmain and read The Guardian, residents of Fong Lim live in…..Fong Lim, and tend to read the NT News. Learn the rules Jeff, or you’ll be out on your arse.