Why Gene Attell may be the most unfortunate celebrity baby name yet

Name: Gene Attell Fischer.

Age: 11 months.

Appearance: All babies look the same – a cross between Winston Churchill and a baked bean.

Parentage: Mother is the American comedian and actor Amy Schumer, father is the chef Chris Fischer.

Odd name Gene Attell. It sounds like ... Yes, Amy and Chris realise that and have just announced they are taking appropriate action.

Genital! OK. It’s been rectified.

Genital fissure!! No need to rub it in. We all make mistakes. Schumer revealed this week on her podcast, 3 Girls, 1 Keith, that the baby’s middle name – inspired by fellow comedian Dave Attell, with whom she appeared in the film Trainwreck in 2015 – had been changed to David.

Very nice. Though his original name is quite striking. Could have been tough for a 10-year-old.

Children’s names are a nightmare. Who can forget Zowie Bowie? Or Duncan Jones, as he prefers to be called these days.

Or Frank Zappa’s daughter Moon Unit? Sister of Dweezil, Ahmet and Diva.

What is it about celebs? Novelty, I guess. Alicia Silverstone’s son is called Bear Blu. Kate Winslet went for Bear Blaze. Cameron Diaz has a daughter called Raddix while Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin opted for Apple and Moses.

Doesn’t Jamie Oliver have some unusually named children? If you consider Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom, Buddy Bear and River Rocket unusual, yes. Or River Rocket Blue Dallas, to give the youngest child his full name.

Can you call a child anything you like? Good question. A couple in the Indian state of Chhattisgarh have just called their newborn twins Corona and Covid in honour of the lockdown that made it hard for them to reach the hospital. The authorities have accepted it, but the extended family is putting pressure on the proud parents to change the names.

Aren’t there laws against embarrassing names? Depends where you live. In the US, there are very few restrictions, which is why young Adolf Hitler Campbell did eventually get his birthday cake in a famous test case in 2008.

That’s incredible. The land of the free, my friend. The UK is fairly liberal, but has banned Martian, Monkey and Rogue in recent years. The French are less tough than they used to be, but have recently blocked Nutella, Manhattan, Prince William and Mini Cooper. Germany is less well disposed than the US to Adolf Hitler and also banned a Turkish couple in Cologne from naming their offspring Osama Bin Laden.

Not to be confused with: Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced Albin), the name a Swedish couple chose for their son in 1991 in protest against Sweden’s restrictive naming law. It was rejected.

Do say: “I’ve always liked the name Sandra.”

Don’t say: “What about calling her Chlamydia? That sounds sweet.”