Justin Bobby returns to “The Hills.”
Lauren and Whitney chatter just like in the good old days in the Teen Vogue intern closet. Lauren says things with Audrina are awkward because Audrina is back to being friends with Heidi. While Lauren doesnât like her archenemy in her home, she recognizes that its Horseyâs stable too. Whitneyâs just happy to have a friend at the Revolution that doesnât resemble some kind of nocturnal marsupial.
Later that night at Lauren and Horseyâs apartment, Lauren manages to invite herself out with Not Lauren (Lo) and Horsey, who are heading out to a club called âGoa,â which sounds like a noise you might make just before vomiting. Lauren brags that she got an A+ in her seriously hard fashion computer class and mentions that her classmate and new galpal, the She-Pratt, might make an appearance at the club. âMaybe sheâll bring Heidi!â says Not Lauren, a little too excitedly. Her grin quickly disappears when Lauren mentally stabs her in the eye with a brow pencil.
Over at Heidiâs apartment, the She-Pratt and Heidi are also getting ready for Girls Night 2008: the Reflux. Heidiâs nervous that Lauren might be at the club, but she says sheâs okay with it since the entire disaster is âold water under the bridge.â
Itâs party time at Goa… … and Lauren, Horsey and Not Lauren sit across the room from the She-Pratt and Heidi. When Lauren and Not Lauren conveniently leave, Heidi goes over to Horsey to warn her that she just saw everyoneâs favorite rock-kicking champion gas-expeller Justin Bobby at the bar. âDo you want me to make sure he doesnât come in this room or anything?â Easy there, Bouncer Barbie. Horsey recounts their tragic break-up. Meanwhile, Lauren b*tches at the She-Pratt for bringing Heidi and then Poopy Pants decides that she wants to go home and pout about it.
Justin Bobby makes his triumphant return in a black fedora and a bleeting goat on his chin and sits down between Heidi and Horsey. This is not his usual nouveau-trashbag look, but its still vintage Justin Bobby. Heidi suggests that they all hang out in a group sometime. Lauren has a hissy and leaves. Someone â not sure who, but itâs someone whose friend Iâd like to be â calls after her, âHave fun! Yay!â Not Lauren promptly attends to Lauren, as she canât understand why she would want to leave when the Justin Bobby fun is just beginning.
The next morning (presumably), Not Lauren stops by Lauren and Horseyâs pasture to say hi. Not Lauren is sick and tired of being just a casual every-once-in-awhile fixture on camera, so she suggests, âWouldnât it be fun if we all got a house, like all the girls?â Lauren admits that sheâs tired of the apartment and that the lease is up soon. Not Lauren is intrigued at the possibility of living with Lauren and Horsey and all of the dramatic potential in visits from Heidi and Justin Bobby. When she feels the hair on the back of her neck stand up from the death stare that Lauren is giving her, she quickly retracts her statement. âThatâs not allowed.â
At a restaurant called Republic, Horsey is clad in leather and waiting for Justin Bobby, who is wearing, I believe, the same outfit from the night before. I think its nice that Horsey is comfortable wearing leather in spite of being closely related to cows on the evolutionary tree. Justin Bobby has a new place at the beach and has given up the sauce. But why, Justin Bobby? âI needed to get my priorities straight?â Ok, so heâs not sure. Justin Bobby also shows off the impressive skill of having a dialogue with himself when he brings up their first date. âHow long ago was that? Long.â They make googly eyes at each other. Horsey is hooked – hoof, line and sinker.
At Lauren and Horseyâs apartment, Lauren is stabbing a grapefruit with a steak knife. Horsey ignores the potential danger of the situation and discusses her dinner with the new and improved Justin Bobby. Lauren asks the obvious first question: âDid he burp in your face?â Horsey says that there will always be something there with Justin Bobby, whether itâs the memory of his combat boots on the beach or his refusal to be labeled. But letâs be clear â this was not a date. Horsey then not-so-casually mentions that sheâs glad to have one of her friends back in Heidi as she gingerly takes the steak knife from Lauren, stabs her in the back and then gently twists it to the right.
Heidi slinks over to She-Prattâs apartment and gets a warm greeting from her former fiancée, who has morphed into McRough the Slime Dog. âStephanieâs not here. Can I help you?â Heidi complains that the She-Pratt was hanging out with Lauren at Goa. Spencer lacks sympathy but looks around for a trash can in case Heidiâs about to barf. âNo offense, but I donât really want to talk about you out at clubs.â Heidi recognizes her cue and departs. Spencer calls after her, âIt was great seeing you. Enjoy your space. You look great.â Seriously, how could you ever let this gem go, Heidi?
At local eatery Spanish Kitchen, Lauren and Not Lauren discuss the whole moving and roommate situation. Lauren is a pink Rastafarian. Not Lauren rambles on excitedly about the social aspects of living in a grown-up sorority house. âAudrina brings dirty boys home and youâre like, âHey friend. Wanna hang out?ââ Lauren concedes that Justin Bobby was exceptionally dirty just before Horsey trots in and orders an enormous fruity drink with a soup chaser.
Not Lauren is dependable and can always be counted on to make a normal situation totally uncomfortable. âUm, you went out to dinner with Justin last night, right?â Lauren, sensing tension, quickly changes the subject to the much happier topic that she and Not Lauren have been plotting behind Horseyâs back to ditch her when the lease is up. Lauren explains that theyâve been talking about getting a house together, and Horsey looks despondent that theyâve been discussing this without her. Why the long face? Sorry – it was so obvious. Eventually they make it clear that Horsey is invited to stable up with them too, and Horsey is in. âYay, Iâm so excited,â says Not Lauren. This will be the best sorority house ever.
– By NICOLE HOMEWOOD